Disclaimer: These are MY thoughts and opinions of having a baby shower for our second child. With so many pregnant friends, and friends who have had second children, 3rd children, 4th, whatever, this is in no way directed at you. You celebrate your little bundles just as you would like because after all they are YOUR kid to celebrate in the way that YOU choose. But, this is how I feel about OUR situation.
I’m turning 35 this year and my friend group has dwindled. It’s no surprise that as a working mother and wife, I’m often strapped for time. I have a 4 year old and the older I get the less I like people. That’s right, I don’t like a lot of people. Is this totally insensitive? Probably, but I am getting to old to fake relationships for the sake of maintaining a friendship. Ain’t no one got time for that.
So just yesterday, I was asked to pick a date by the end of this week for my baby shower. It’s only February and I’m being asked to pick a date.The baby isn’t due until the end of June! I can’t even commit to what I am doing this weekend much less what I am doing next month. Not to mention we are moving next week, and the only thing I can think about the is the best homeowner’s insurance rate we can get. That’s when I realized, a baby shower for #2 is not for me.
In the process of packing, I found a number of items I’ll be using again for our second child. For big items, I purchased gender neutral things since I knew more than likely we’d shoot for a second kid. And it’s a good thing, because our first kid was boy and this nugget inside my tum tum is a girl. So to start… I already have a massive amount of things that I saved from the first kid.
Now, if your first kid is like 8 years older and you didn’t save anything, a shower makes total sense. At this point you have probably forgotten what a baby even looks like. But for me, Logan is 4 and I remember that little blowout pooping baby like it was yesterday. Also there is a good chance, new baby will wear some of her brother’s blue sleepers too, mostly at home, but I’m preparing myself for what a cute little boy if we forget to change her before we go out in public. Because… why waste that money. Just call me frugal Ashley. Not really, but with a second on the way, it’s going to cut in to my hair appointments.
So back to the shower, I just don’t want to have one. My friends are busy. They have probably already been to 3 birthday parties, dance class and 4 soccer matches this month. I already know they love me. And if they love me enough to get us a gift, that’s great too. But the one thing I don’t want to do, is send out a massive amount of invites to estranged friends who I’ve not talked to on a regular basis, just to have them take time out of there busy schedules, to buy a gift and attend my shower.
It’s just not necessary. Fortunately, we are very blessed financially and with a great support system, that we simply don’t NEED anything. Unless you are bringing me bottles of wine to consume after this child is born, don’t buy me anything. I mean, I’ll take some diapers and a cute outfit if you really want, but we just don’t NEED anything.
And while I appreciate the thought of someone trying to put this together for the new baby, I also need them to appreciate that I just don’t want to have one. What I want is for a group of our close friends to get together and hang out, with spouses and children and eat. All my friends like to eat. As torturous as they may sound with a bunch of screaming whining kids, that’s all I want.
I want us to slow down in our lives for one second and not think about what “everyone else does” and do what works for us. I don’t want people to focus on the gift, but the time we get to spend with each other. We had a massive shower for our first born. It was a bit unconventional and after his birth since he came at 30 weeks, but we still had one. And I loved it. I’ve already had that experience.
We had a shower with a bunch of people I hadn’t seen in ages. But I barely got to speak to. And without all those people praying for our premature nugget, I might not have made it through. But, I just don’t want to do it again. It’s a lot of time and money, that for us, I just don’t think is necessary.
Instead of the baby shower for #2, I think what I’d like to start is a post baby party shower. This would occur roughly a month or two after the child’s birth. Same scenario, all your girlfriend’s. Except this time… alcohol would be allowed. You’d have a babysitter and you would have your friends. Those of us that have kids know what it’s like that first month after a child is born. You lose yourself. You lose sight of what it’s like to put actual clothes on and do your hair. You just lose yourself.
A baby shower for #2 is just not for me. But the post baby party shower is something I could get on board with!